Return of the Runebound Professor

“I hate you,” Jalen proclaimed.

The head of the Linwick Family, one of the most powerful mages within the Arbalest Empire, laid sprawled out on the ground, glaring up at the sky, his face creased like a pouting toddler.

“That feels like an overreaction,” Noah said.

“No! I missed so much fun stuff!” Jalen whined, lifting his head to thunk it back against the dirt a moment later. “It’s not fair! I was doing work and you were having fun!”

“I would not call anything that we just went through fun,” Moxie said.

Jalen harrumphed, and Noah resisted the urge to slap his palm against his face. They’d filled the Rank 6 in on what had happened with Crone and Garina, though Noah hadn’t yet elected to share his full story with him.

He wasn’t entirely sure Jalen wouldn’t just go shouting it from the rooftops for the heck of it. The Rank 6 was a good ally, but he wasn’t all there in the head. If Jalen decided that keeping Noah’s secrets was no longer fun… well, they probably wouldn’t be secrets for long.

“You got to meet a Rank 7,” Jalen said. “A Rank 7! And you told her off! I still don’t get how you pulled all that shit off without getting yourself killed. Is this Garina like me? Is that it? Just bored and in want of something to do? Do you think she’ll play darts when she gets back?”

Technically, I didn’t get through it without getting myself killed. I just did the killing myself. Subtle difference there.

“You’re welcome to ask her when she returns, but I’d really prefer if we could stick to the topic at hand.” Noah pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “We really need to get to that auction. I need a lot of runes to prepare for what’s to come.”

Jalen let out a harrumph. “You only want to give me the boring tasks. Go get us access to an auction, Jalen. Go sweep the trash while I have the time of my life dancing with certain death and forces beyond mortal comprehension. What if they’d ripped you to little flesh ribbons? I wouldn’t have gotten to watch!”

“Why does it sound like you were hoping for that to happen?” Moxie asked.

“I’m an optimist. I always look on the fun side of life. Best to enjoy what’s happening while it’s happening,” Jalen said.

His words might have been slightly more inspirational if he wasn’t currently lying on the dirt mid-tantrum.

“Pull yourself together already,” Silvertide snapped. He rapped Jalen on the head with the end of his staff. “If anything, this is your fault. You said you didn’t want to get too involved or the other Family Heads would start stepping in as well. Has that changed?”

“No,” Jalen said reluctantly.

“And if you’d been here, what are the chances you tried to fight one of the Rank 7s?”

“Nearly one hundred percent. Who would pass up on such an incredible opportunity to learn? To grow? They’re from outside the kingdom, you withered old sod!”

“You’re older than I am,” Silvertide said.

“But I don’t look older. I am a very superficial person.” Jalen stretched his arms over his head and let out a yawn. Motes of sunlight poked into the dark sky above them as the sun began its crawl into the sky. Jalen’s entire body ground to a halt like it had been frozen in ice. Then the petulant expression evaporated from his features. “Oh, look at that. Dawn.”

He sat up and rose to his feet, brushing the dirt from his clothes and adjusting his shirt as if he hadn’t just been pitching a fit moments ago.

Noah and Moxie exchanged a baffled glance. It was exceedingly difficult to tell what Jalen was thinking on the best of days — and he seemed to be even more insane today than he was normally.

Nobody else was having much more luck. All of Noah’s students, demon and human alike, stood in a large ring around the Rank 6. They bore expressions from complete befuddlement to uncomfortable silence.

The only ones that looked to be completely uninterested by his fit were Lee and Yoru. That was probably only because the former was occupied with some jerky she’d lifted from Moxie’s pockets while the latter had considerably more important things to be thinking about.Nôv(el)B\\jnn

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Do you conduct yourself properly at the advent of every new day?” Vrith asked through a confused frown. “Why does dawn matter?”

“Because the auction is toward the center of the kingdom, and the tickets to enter don’t activate until dawn,” Jalen replied, every trace of the whining child that had been in his place moments before gone with the winds. He reached into a pocket and pulled out a fistful of crumpled up papers trimmed with gold lining. “I had to kill some time.”

“Kill time?” Alexandra squinted at Jalen. “You mean that was…”

“Rather entertaining, yes. When you get to my age, you’ll realize that it’s time to let loose every once and a while.” Jalen flicked a speck of ash from his hair. “Everyone’s always so prim and proper. So measured. You should learn to relax. Just complain about some asinine shit every once and a while. It’s healing for the soul — and it’s a lot of fun. Good way to kill a few hours.”

“It is not,” Noah said, but attempting to argue with Jalen was something akin to beating his head against a brick wall and expecting to find anything but blood. The best thing he could do was just give up and try to get to the actually important portion of the matter. “Did you say you got us access to an auction?”

“One of the biggest ones in the kingdom. It’s a long-running one that goes for a week out of every month. We’ll be showing up two days late, but they only approve new tickets in the morning. We should probably get ready quickly. It would be a shame to miss too much of it.”

“You couldn’t have mentioned this when you first got back?” Moxie demanded. “You’ve wasted hours!”

“I have enjoyed hours,” Jalen corrected. He reached into a pocket and pulled out another bundle of papers. These, Noah recognized instantly. Catchpaper. Jalen handed the sheaf to Noah without even looking in his direction. “And would knowing earlier have done anything other than make you pace in circles while you waited for the auction to open? What preparation would you have done?”

Moxie hesitated for a moment. “Er… Vermil could have imbued the runes.”

“Which takes all of a few minutes,” Jalen observed dryly. “A huge waste indeed.”

“Do you really think we’re children that need to be distracted from a big scary appointment?” Moxie asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“I think the words you were looking for are ‘thank you’. I just did you a favor. You may repay it with a game of darts at a future date.”

Moxie rolled her eyes. “Noted.”

“I should say,” Jalen said, his features growing serious, “that you will need to be cautious. Especially the more demonically inclined of you. Vermil said he wanted access to a big auction. That’s what I got. But big auctions are well defended. There will be Inquisitors. Given your appearances…”

“It’s fine,” Noah said. “I appreciate the warning, but it’s something I’ve already accounted for. The purpose of this auction is more than just getting some runes. It’s a demonstration for all the noble houses.”

“A demonstration of what, exactly?” Jalen asked. “You can’t plan to challenge every single one of them. They’d destroy you.”

Noah just smiled.

“We’ll see. You’re welcome to attend the auction yourself. Even if you aren’t doing anything, it should be useful.”

“Are you kidding? After all the effort I went through to see something fun? I’d rip my own heart out before I missed this.”

“Figured,” Noah said. He turned to the others. “Unfortunately, I can’t bring everyone. As much as I’d like to include you as a learning experience, this is going to be a little bit dangerous. I’ll be having to ask the rest of you to wait here, safe, with Brayden.”

“Who?” Isabel asked.

“Lee, Yoru, Aylin. You’re with me. Everyone else will remain back.”

“What?” Isabel asked, blinking in surprise as she exchanged a look with Todd. “Not that I’m going to argue, but why would you bring all the demons? Isn’t that going to bring every single Inquisitor down on top of you?”

Noah put a hand on her shoulder. “That was then, Isabel. I’m not the same person I was back then… and these aren’t the same demons. Trust me.”

“Just don’t take too long,” James said through a yawn. “We might get attacked while you’re off. The nobles have to be looking for Isabel and Todd at this point. We’ve been missing for long enough for them to realize something is up. Especially since Jakob and Verrud disappeared during the exam and didn’t do much to make their interest in Isabel secret… well, it’s not hard to start drawing connections.”

“I won’t let anyone get through me,” Brayden promised.

“Nor will I,” Moxie said. “I’d prefer to go, but I know why I can’t.”

“Because you’re dead, of course,” Noah said with a nod. He stuffed the pages of Catchpaper into his book. It would imbue the runes he needed it to. There was no need to waste time doing it himself. “I trust you can get us to the auction, Jalen?”

In response, the Rank 6 snapped his fingers. A purple portal ripped open beside him with a loud tearing noise. Undulating magic rippled and pulsed at his side.

“One passageway to a shitshow,” Jalen proclaimed, holding up the fistful of tickets in his hand like a torch. His lips split in a wide grin. “This is going to be fun.”

You don’t have the slightest idea.

I can’t wait to see the looks on these noble idiots faces when I break them.

“Moxie, could I borrow that gift I gave you a while ago? I promise to return it in pristine condition,” Noah said.

She pulled the cloak off her back and handed it to him with a nod. He pulled it on, pulling the hood low over his face to cover his features.

And with that, Noah’s group stepped into the portal.