Reincarnated as the Villainess’s Unlucky Bodyguard

I grit my teeth, feeling the heat of Serina's magic on one side and the brute force of Kaelos on the other. This wasn't just a fight it was survival, and my options were shrinking fast.

Serina smirked, her flaming whip circling menacingly in the air, while Kaelos cracked his knuckles. The two seemed to be coordinating now, a realization that sent a fresh wave of panic through me.

[Observation: Your odds of success are dropping faster than your dignity.]

"System," I thought back, dodging another swipe from the whip, "now's not the time for sass!"

"You got this!" Ananara piped up from the sidelines. "And if you don't, I'll step in and save the day."

I rolled my eyes mid-dodge, narrowly avoiding a fist aimed at my ribs. "Oh, sure, the pineapple's going to save me. That's rich."

"Don't underestimate me," Ananara huffed. "I'm a fruit of many talents!"

[Correction: Zero combat talents detected in Ananara. His greatest strength is remaining stationary.]

Before I could respond, Kaelos lunged again, his massive arm swinging toward me like a battering ram. I barely managed to block with my sword, but the impact reverberated through my arms, nearly knocking me off balance.

"Is that all you've got?" I taunted, though my arms were trembling.

Kaelos grinned, his fangs glinting. "Not even close."

Just as he raised his fist for another blow, Ananara yes, the literal pineapple launched himself forward.

"Charge of the fruit brigade!" he bellowed.

"What are you doing?!" I shrieked.

With surprising speed, Ananara rolled toward Kaelos's foot and rammed into it. Kaelos yelped, hopping backward and glaring down at the offending fruit.

"Did… did you just stub my toe?!" he bellowed, his voice incredulous.

"Victory!" Ananara declared. "The mighty have fallen before my wrath!"

[Update: Kaelos suffered 0.001% damage. Truly devastating.]

Kaelos growled and raised his foot, aiming to squash Ananara.

"Don't you dare!" I snapped, hurling a Stone Shot at Kaelos's knee. The rock connected, forcing him to stumble back and give Ananara time to roll to safety.

"Ha! You owe me one," Ananara said smugly.

"For what? Making him angrier?" I shot back, dodging Serina's whip.

The flaming lash struck the ground where I'd been standing, leaving a scorch mark. "You really should focus on me, darling," Serina cooed.

"I'm busy dealing with your oversized boyfriend!" I retorted, sending another Stone Shot her way. She dodged with infuriating ease.

Kaelos roared, regaining his balance, and charged again. This time, though, he was met with a hail of dirt and pebbles courtesy of Ananara, who was spinning furiously in place like some kind of demented blender.

"Feel the fury of the fruit!" Ananara declared.

To my utter shock, Kaelos actually hesitated, blinking at the whirlwind of debris. "What… is that thing?"

"Your worst nightmare," Ananara replied dramatically.

[Correction: Kaelos's worst nightmare is losing arm day at the gym. Ananara ranks significantly lower.]

Before Kaelos could recover, Serina joined the fray, her whip cracking dangerously close to me. I ducked, but the flames singed the edges of my cloak.

"That was my favorite cloak!" I snarled, charging at her with my sword.

She met my blade with her whip, the clash of steel and fire creating a dazzling burst of sparks. "Poor little bodyguard, always playing catch-up," she taunted.

"Keep talking," I grunted, pushing back against her.

And then, just as I felt like I might actually be getting the upper hand, a new voice boomed through the courtyard.

"What in all the blazing hells is going on here?!"

The combat froze. All eyes turned toward the source of the voice: the gardener.

Yes, the moss-green demon with the perpetual scowl had arrived, and he looked mad enough to set the entire academy on fire.

"Uh-oh," Ananara muttered, rolling to hide behind me. "He's scarier than Kaelos."

Kaelos and Serina both seemed to agree because they immediately stepped back, their postures stiffening like scolded children.

The gardener stormed into the middle of the battlefield, his gnarled staff clutched tightly in one hand. Without warning, he swung it, bonking Kaelos on the head with a loud thunk.

"Ow!" Kaelos yelped, rubbing his skull. "What was that for?"

"Fighting on academy grounds," the gardener growled. "What are you, first-years?"

Next, he turned to Serina and delivered another thunk to her head.

"Hey!" she protested.

"And you," he snapped, pointing his staff at me. "You're supposed to be setting an example, aren't you?"

"Uh, technically, I was protecting—"

Thunk.

The staff connected with my head, and I winced.

"No excuses!" he barked. "All of you, detention. Now!"

"But—"

Thunk.

"Now!"

With that, the gardener marched off, leaving the three of us standing there, rubbing our sore heads.

"Well," Ananara said, breaking the silence. "That was embarrassing."

I groaned, already dreading whatever fresh punishment awaited me.

I turned toward the spot where Enara had been standing earlier, hoping for backup or, at the very least, a snide remark to distract from my growing headache. But to my dismay, the courtyard was empty.

"Enara?" I called, scanning the area. Nothing.

[Observation: Your charge has left. Likely to avoid associating with your catastrophic decision-making.]

"Oh, shut it!" I muttered under my breath, gripping my still-sore head.

Ananara, ever the opportunist, rolled up to my feet. "Looks like Princess Midnight Eyes ditched you. Can't blame her, really. You're kind of a magnet for disasters."

"She didn't ditch me," I snapped, more to convince myself than him. "She probably had somewhere… princess-y to be. Like, royal demon princess meetings or… a tea party of doom."

Ananara snorted. "Yeah, sure. Or maybe she realized her bodyguard is the worst at guarding bodies."

I kicked at a pebble in frustration, sending it clattering across the cobblestones. Of course Enara would be gone when I needed her. She probably went back to the royal carriage without a second thought, leaving me to deal with the aftermath of this ridiculous fight alone.

[Reminder: Your primary responsibility is to protect Enara. Chasing her approval is not in the job description.]

"I wasn't chasing her approval!" I hissed. "I was ugh, forget it."

Taking a deep breath, I scanned the courtyard again, half-hoping she'd magically reappear. When it became clear she wouldn't, I groaned and turned back toward the gardener's direction.

"Guess I'll handle this mess myself."n/ô/vel/b//jn dot c//om

Ananara chuckled. "You mean 'I'll handle it while dragging around a useless fruit sidekick.'"

"You're the least helpful thing here, Ananara," I muttered, trudging after the gardener. "And that's saying something."